whole night in whole foods

Because they are my biggest customer and I love them, I spent five hours last night at Whole Foods in helping in the process of installing all new fixtures in their Whole Body department. Northern California is the most lucrative Whole Foods region and they've decide it's time to upscale. This is a multi-day process involving taking every single product and tag off the shelves, packing it all into boxes, ripping up the existing fixtures and replacing them with new, shiny, more expensive and upscale ones, then putting all the product back in a new schema. This is no small undertaking, and they solicit the help of any willing sales reps to make things move along as quickly as possible.

My first instructions from the high-strung team leader were: "Take these products off the metro, put them in a tote and label them "NOT IN THE PLANO"." I see.

After a bit of jargon demystification, I determined that a metro is a rolling shelving unit, a tote is a plastic box, and a plano (or planogram) is is essentially a blueprint. I spent the next three hours packing yoga mats, DVDs, baby socks, body scrubbers, cosmetic bags, shampoo, soap, tea, incense, candles and transporting them to the back store room. Since I've been packing boxes since I was old enough to grasp small objects, I actually found the task enjoyable.

Present were about a half dozen sales reps, most of whom are hardcore career salespeople, or 'brokers,' who rep up to 40 different lines of product at a time. Some got competitive. One woman ran off when I started helping her pack the incense, accusing me of usurping her assigned task. I didn't realize there was a protocol; I just thought we were supposed to pack everything and figured I might as well make it as fun as possible by working with others. I guess I have a lot to learn.

Usually when I go to visit my Whole Foods accounts, I make a bee-line for the World of Good kiosk, straighten it up, talk to the buyer and then breeze out to the next store. I don't shop at Whole Foods (aka, "Whole Paycheck") so I am really rather unfamiliar with their product. My lord, not only has Whole Foods invented their own language, but they've spawned an entirely new generation of marketing as well. Selling a lifestyle of health, conscious consumption and cuteness has earned the retail giant a distinguished spot among the country's strongest brands.

What a learning experience. Retail is much more fun than high tech. Pass the Lumia Lavender Love Soy Candles.

Ooh, just a postscript. I picked up the latest album from my favorite singing/songwriting goddess, Fiona Apple. I've been waiting for 6 years for her to jar loose with more talent since her last album entitled "When The Pawn..." (full title: "When the Pawn Hits The Conflicts He Thinks Like A King What He Knows Throws The Blows When He Goes To The Fight And He'll Win The Whole Thing 'Fore He Enters The Ring There's No Body To Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand And Remember That Depth Is The Greatest Of Heights And If You Know Where You Stand, Then You Know Where To Land And If You Fall It Won't Matter, Cuz You'll Know That You're Right") and by god, it was worth the wait.